i went to a wedding yesterday

i have been meaning to talk of love for some time now. religious or personal or ceremonial or The Loss. my mother has The Loss. she has The Loneliness as well. i can see it hiding just visible behind her gestures and the things she chooses not to say. she doesn't like to talk about it, speaking never fixes. words as leaves flow with the wind of voice but carry no current of their own. after a while they seem useless. after a while growing realizes us of the incompatibility of resolution. she told me once in a dark hallway on the floor draped in black silk (one of our shaping moments) that she cannot count on anyone but herself, not for the important things. i do not find this depressing. not all true things are depressing even though they might sound like it at first. the only control or reliance that is lives in your actions, outside objects are tied to so many other forces that faith in them is precarious. this faith, though infinitely valuable, is wise to be held with the knowledge of its time dependent balance. and so she has The Loneliness. she is so mad at it, she is so in love with it. when she was a shadow it was her bed. but i was intending to write of love. yes, that is what i was writing about. i do not mean to capture some state of sadness that crawls up in my belly upon the mention of the word. not at all. i am surrounded by it. love pulls me like a net through hands and time. love is constant as loneliness, they are two perspectives. both are needed. but writing of such a thing is distant in memory and much easier to express via some other outlet. my Love is an oddity that skips from person to person with large gaps between so that forgetfulness can heal and allow old things to feel new again. i am still waiting for the point where my Love can allow reflection. but then, intensity of such magnitude requests complete attention. a sacrifice must be made between identity and intensity. have i named another uncertainty principle? momentum and position, energy and time, identity and intensity. or are these just groups of words that fall to the floor without wind.