the procession of that which is known

it has been a long time now since i have been taken with the beauty of science. swept up in it like a wind or scurry of soft descending paper thin summer seeds. the youthful and naïve days of pre-physics excitement faded more than a bit over the years since i have immersed myself in its splendor. though perhaps what makes Beauty so striking is its absence for long periods. it is true, a Beauty given by invisibility can be so thickly and undetectably consistent. and so this perceived absence threatened fatality, doubted my ability to see or love or feel faceless things. application is the detail in which devils live and theory is merely a crystal of application. i have learned this. my world was a series of loose strings. a piano left untuned to the weathering of time. or perhaps one of those webs spiders on acid or in space weave. a threat is the prediction of some perhaps never realized catalyst: this semester as the almost rejection of my Axiom of Faith. all i ever asked for was to want to keep working at the end of the day. all i ever wanted was happiness. was Beauty. but today, for no particular reason other than people and math, i feel it again. not a rejection nor an acceptance, vibration, or apathetic defeat. today what i feel is a satisfaction that perhaps, one day, life itself might descend like snow or fog, reach a state of equilibrium among the evening rocks and trees and have self perpetuated quietude. that is all i ever wanted.